Absurdist Media

Everybody Loves a Winner.

As tens of people may have noticed by now I haven't written anything for the site of late. Why you ask? The answer is quite simple: I recently entered the "I needed to step back, take some time to myself, personal reevaluation/build a personal recording studio in my decadent but cozy mountain estate's basement" phase of the "Behind the Music" episode that is my life. So what have I been doing? What lessons have I learned during this introspective foray? I present to you, the reader, a brief list of my most recent revelations and goings on.

1. After camping at Linville Gorge in North Carolina with eight male friends I have decided that my chosen friends are either a) incredibly homophobic b) want to be African-American more than anything in this world or c) are all homosexual and racists. Conclusion? I still love my friends.

2. Rocks hurt terribly when you fall on them.

3. Beer is not the Oracle of Delphi. The belligerent gentleman on Avenue A had a point. I think.

4. I have decided that there is a lot going on beneath the surface of one's jukebox selections. One who drops a dollar into the machine and picks "Go to Hell" by The Clash is understated, making a subtle nod to the cultural and musical importance of the band's achievements by not subjecting you to a "London Calling" or "Spanish Bombs." This person most likely works an entry level, data-entry job and is trying to come to terms with the nine-to-five and is furiously attempting to figure out what "business-casual" means.
Where as the person playing "The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down" followed immediately by "Heart of Gold" both of which were preceded by "Wild Horses" and "The Weight" is me seamlessly sequencing last call songs in an effort to depress you.

5. Recently issues of Vibe magazine have begun arriving at my apartment. What is most odd about this whole scenario is that they are addressed to me. After hours of contemplation on how this could have occurred (mainly on the toilet while reading Vibe magazine) I remembered that when I purchased a Led Zeppelin DVD set at FYE (a purchase whose impetus was solely "to treat myself to something nice,” yes I'm a total dork) I was rewarded with a free trial magazine subscription. I seem to remember choosing something else, and using Vibe as a secondary choice, but I like to envision the marketing department at the Vibe offices reviewing my choices for subscriptions, seeing that I bought a Zeppelin DVD, and then immediately concluding that they can convert my musical tastes to that of mainstream hip-hop, or "the culture of the streets," by subversively mailing me their publication. This particular meeting would be held in large and tastefully decored office at the top of the mighty Vibe complex, with a leaked copy of the new Outkast album spilling out of the speakers of a stereo with an ipod hooked up to it. In an effort to thank the fine people at Vibe magazine I intend to dress as white as possible, go to the whitest, but not hooded or shaved headed, events and locations and have my picture taken holding my free trial issues of Vibe. These pictures will then be sent lovingly to the Vibe offices in hopes of being printed in the letters to the editor section, elevating me to some kind of mysteriously epic status within the ranks of the magazine's staff and readership.

6. After an awkward, and very AM, discussion with my landlord in which I was drinking coffee and smoking a cigarette from behind a delightful mustache/soul patch combination I recently shaved into, I’ve concluded that he sounds increasingly like Christopher Walken with each conversation I have with him.


So there you have it. I intend to begin posting on a more regular basis in the coming weeks so please check back regularly for more inane observations and meanderings from your friend Tedd.

posted by Anonymous @ 3:22 PM