Friday, May 12, 2006

A press conference, of sorts

With the addition of Sean “The Wolf” Parrot, we at Absurdist Media feel as though we’ve taken a leap into the upper echelon of formative non-fictional writing. We’re not embarrassed to say we think we’re contenders for a championship. With that we’ll take any questions you may have:

Washington Post: Does Sean’s obvious love of British Humor affect the way you and Tedd will view your own writing?
J: No, I think this will work itself out. We’re not asking for any change in Wolf’s approach to the game. He’s a force. He knows what he can do, and he’ll do that in our offense as well as he did it in others. He’s been around.
T: Most certainly not. I warmly welcome the liberal use of the letter “u” in words that we, the stubborn American populace, have eliminated it from. However, there is no way in hell I will allow myself to be subjected to reiterations of anything involving Monty Python and his alleged “Flying Circus.”

San Francisco Chronicle: Where that good weed at?
J: I gotchoo son.
T: How you going to ask something like that in front of my wife and kids?

Richmond Times-Dispatch: There were rumors of a trade, maybe Tedd for a Paul Nair-type of back that could fill some positional holes. Any truth to those rumors?
J: Absurdist Media have never considered any trades. Tedd is a crafty veteran who still plays his position better than any player in this league.
T: Eat shit.

Arby’s Underground: An obviously sought after talent, why did The Wolf decide to sign with such an underachieving site?
J: I don’t know what you’re insinuating, but I’ll answer that with another question: why wouldn’t he want to underachieve? It’s God’s way. He is risen.
T: We put out. There is also a thoroughness to my post-coital cuddling that is unrivaled.

Maximillion Colby Quarterly: How does this affect you’re other off season plans?
J: It’s all a matter of recruitment. We filled a solid position hole, here. I knew if we could get The Wolf, the rest would just fall into place. He’s going to attract other major league talent, sure, but we should remember that we’re keeping him around as well. It’s exciting all the way around. Robespierre!
T: Most notably my intentions of defection to the Sudan have been put on hold. Otherwise my workout regiment of wildly and provocatively performed reps and sets is still in place, and I will be ready for beach season. Ladies, I’m talking to you.

Christian Science Monitor: You’re all going to hell.
J: I am a scientist.
T: Wait, what?

We’ll bring Sean up for a few questions soon. Thanks for everyone’s involvement.

1 Comments:

At 12:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

>>There were rumors of a trade, maybe Tedd for a Paul Nair-type of back that could fill some positional holes. Any truth to those rumors?

If I can't practice, I can't practice. It is as simple as that. It ain't about that at all. It's easy to sum it up if you're just talking about practice. We're sitting here, and I'm supposed to be the franchise player, and we're talking about practice. I mean listen, we're sitting here talking about practice, not a game, not a game, not a game, but we're talking about practice. Not the game that I go out there and die for and play every game last it's my last but we're talking about practice man. How silly is that?

Now I know that I'm supposed to lead by example and all that but I'm not shoving that aside like it don't mean anything. I know it's important, I honestly do but we're talking about practice. We're talking about practice man. We're talking about practice. We're talking about practice. We're not talking about the game. We're talking about practice. When you come to the arena, and you see me play, you've seen me play right, you've seen me give everything I've got, but we're talking about practice right now.

 

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