Thursday, May 18, 2006

Press Conference: Sean

To begin: Hello. To continue: The following is a transcript of my first Abusrdist Media Press conference. I was so nervous. I hope I didn't blow it!

New York Times: You live in Tennessee, not New York. Why do you hate being cool?

S: Frankly, mister, I resent the implications of that question! I will say this however: what Nashville lacks in hipness it more than makes up for in Churches per square mile and (redundancy anybody?) homophobia. Repent, heathens!

New York Times: Are you calling me gay?

S: Your mom's gay...next question.

San Francisco Gayzette: Gay bashing? This is 2006 people!

S: Your mom's 2006...next question.

Chicago Tribune: What plans do you have for your new position at Absurdist Media?

S: See, everybody! That's a good question! Well, sir...

Chicago Tribune: Ma'am.

S: Let me finish, sir! I am planning on delving deep into all the topics that float around in this bowl of brains that is my skull: Stand-up comedy, Surrealist Films, Vaginas and hate crimes.

Chicago Tribune: Ma'am.

High Times: Doesn't that Chicago Tribune dude look like a dyke?

S: Yes, he does.

High Times: If you could smoke out of anybody's skull, living or dead, whose skull would it be?

S: Oprah: anything to see her dead. I've got time for one last question.

All: AWWWWWW.

S: I'm sorry folks, I've got deadlines to meet!

San Francisco Gayzette: Wanna make out?

S: Yes, yes I do. Thank you so much everyone and I look forward to doing this again.

Look out for my first column, which is bound to show up sooner or later...or else!

2 Comments:

At 2:11 PM, Anonymous Patt Winn said...

Raleigh News and Observer: Sean, I'd like to know when I can lick on your balls? Also, I'm trying to pick out a wine to go along with that meal. Do you have any suggestions?

 
At 3:40 AM, Blogger The Wolf said...

Mr. Winn,

It's not a question of when, it's a question of how much, money that is. Money you're willing to pay for the privilege. As for a wine: I would suggest something french...as in the kind of kissing attention you'll be giving my cocksack.

heart,

sean

 

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